Of course, that's not even accounting for the meat of the game, with equally diverse main objectives including fending off bullies with your catapult as your nerdy comrade runs in the school election and raiding the girl's dorm for panties at the behest of your pervert gym teacher. With a slew of randomly generated - yet surprisingly rewarding - fetch-quests nudging against bike races, paper rounds, boxing matches, dodge ball, go-karting and mini-games ranging from arcade machines to an entire amusement park of fairground pursuits, the list is simply staggering. In fact, despite its somewhat conservative size there's so much to do around Bullworth, you'll frequently pass on the main missions just to explore that little bit more. Want to flush a firecracker down the toilet? Or complement your wardrobe by poaching from other people's lockers? Your options really do feel limitless.
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Far from being a bad thing though, this significantly less hair-tearing approach to game design means you're free to immerse yourself completely in the game world, ensuring you'll actually want to spend time experimenting with Canis Canem Edit's wealth of inconsequential options, fulfilling those playground fantasies. This more accessible approach is also reflected in the wealth of missions and side quests Jimmy tackles throughout the course of his rise through the Bullworth ranks - there's very little here that could genuinely be described as challenging and, in all likelihood, you'll get through most objectives on your first or second attempt. Truth is though, by reigning in Rockstar's more extravagant tendencies, Canis Canem Edit maintains its intimate take on the sandbox genre, always staying on the right side of manageable.
Admittedly, if you approach Canis Canem Edit expecting the endless sprawling environments of Rockstar's other more famous titles, you might be a little disappointed by the less grand scale of this game. What's more, Bullworth Academy and the surrounding New England township are equally well-realised, with Rockstar Vancouver's artists managing to create one of the most believable, unforgettable, detailed and cohesive game worlds we've yet to see in a game. Featuring a wholly appealing (and in some cases appalling) cast of characters, all sporting their own distinct personalities, the game's playground Goodfellas premise unfolds through an always compelling, dryly amusing narrative, expertly aided by some top-tier voice work and animation. As always with Rockstar's titles, Canis Canem Edit's presentation is second to none. Quite contrary to claims that Canis Canem Edit is likely to inspire a whole new generation of wannabe tearaways hellbent on social destruction, Rockstar's latest game present an utterly empowering take on school life, with its open-ended mischief focussed on usurping the oppressive bully regime - with maybe a few romantic tangents along the way. It's almost impossible not to be engaged by the exploits of 15-year old Jimmy Hopkins as he works his way up the chain of power at Bullworth Academy from his humble new-boy beginnings, fulfilling the kinds of juvenile revenge fantasies that have been played out for years in things like Just William, Saint Trinian's and Grange Hill.
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Sure, anyone who's dabbled with the Grand Theft Auto series will be right at home with the game's mechanics, but the move from the gritty yet abstract streets of San Andreas to the timeless halls of Bullworth Academy means Canis Canem Edit immediately strikes home with a world that's much more personal and emotionally involving than anything Rockstar's produced before. Part of the its success is down to Rockstar's canny decision to flip its biggest franchise on its head with Canis Canem Edit. You see, once again Rockstar has surpassed itself with yet another high-concept title with more depth beneath its glossy exterior than most games can only ever dream of. If only we'd kept the faith and held off until the game's release.
Of course, the truth is, we were as guilty of making unfounded assumptions about Canis Canem Edit as anyone else.
While internet forums, politicians, lobbyists and the mainstream media debated, decried and wholly misrepresented Rockstar's latest opus, we just rolled our eyes at what seemed to be nothing more than a cynical PR stunt designed to flog ridiculous numbers of a redundant game with nothing to offer beneath its tedious blanket of carefully-engineered controversy. We really wanted to hate Canis Canem Edit, we really did.